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Description
Show: N/A
Episode: N/A
Year: 2007
Writer(s): Martin Olson (FREAKIN' HUNSEN ABADEER WROTE THIS CRAP! Actually, yeah, that explains a bit)
Director(s): Dave Kim, Rex Piano
(word of warning, I'll be dropping the F-bomb quite a bit in this reveiw, so if you don't like, swearing, don't look at the review, it's that simple)
Cringe-Inducing Audio: 10
Cringe-Inducing Visuals: 3
Lackluster Writing: 9
Annoyance: 10
Disturbing Content (Out of Place): 5
Unnecessary Cruelty: 7
Rancid Morals: 4
Low Production Values: 9
Unfortunate Implications: 9
Character Derailment: 9
Final Score: 75/100
(Edit: forgot to add a score for cringe-inducing visuals originally)
Yeah, you're gettin' my score right off the bat BEFORE the summary, that right there should explain just how awful this piece of garbage is. No, it's even lower than garbage, lower than the lowest pieces of amphibious shit. It is the most low budget, nonsensical piece of shit I've ever seen. To put things into perspective, I had to mute the damn thing 1/2 way through just to get some peace and listen to the rest in subtitles! That was the plan anyways, but I realized it would be cheating to review like that, so I decided to listen to the whole thing, big mistake. I have a constant headache and grimace, not to mention a strong desire smash my head into a brick wall. But I'm not gonna give these, I don’t the right word for these people, the satisfaction. I've nearly been brought to tears from this piece of shit, but I want you all to know, I didn't cry. Now, onto the real review:
First off, why the holy fuck would they make a movie of one of the most terrible flash video games ever made? I can understand other bad video game movies like Super Mario Bros. and various Silent Hill films, but ELF BOWLING? Are you fucking SERIOUS!? They ported a FLASH GAME, A LOW RES FLASH GAME onto the DS! No enhancements period!
Now we move onto the actual "plot" of the film itself if you want to call mashing a keyboard with your face and printing what comes out a plot. Despite what people claim, the pirate aspect isn't really lost in the film itself, but they just barely reference it after Santa becomes, well Santa. The graphics look like a piss-poor attempt at copying Disney Jr. shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Doc McStuffins, only far worse. No wait, cheap shot, it looks like a bad imitation of the CGI in CARS 2 OR BRAVE! Food Fight might be bad, but at least it originally knew what it wanted to look like. Speaking of which, how the holy fuck did they get away with mentioning Disneyland and Gremlins movies without being slapped by Disney and Warner Brothers, thereby being bankrupt as a result?
This "film" also really skirts the line of what counts as PG, and not in a funny way like Adventure Time or Regular Show; they're just really disturbing like the whore gold-digger girlfriend, or the fact that the villain is named DINGLEBERRY! Speaking of the villain, how the fuck did these low budget hacks get Tom Kenny? He can't be that desperate for roles unless SpongeBob and Adventure Time are on the brink of death. All of the voices grate on a near constant level, you'd think the guys behind SpongeBob and PLUCKY DUCK could at least do better voice work than this. Yeah, the guy who voices Santa also voiced Plucky Duck AND did many of Mel Blanc's roles!
The animation? It is the most stiff, wonky and lifeless shit I've ever seen. I swear A Car’s Life movies from Video Brinquedo had better animation. The jokes are all annoying as hell. I mean, come on, WHO POOPED IN THE PEANUT BARREL!? SERIOUSLY!? I'll tell ya who pooped in the peanut barrel: WHOEVER THE FUCK MADE THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE! The "plot" seems to go everywhere at once; characters like the gold digging whore and the chieftain seem important at first but aren't shit in the long run. The dialogue seems like it was improvised by some dumbass 3rd grader and a middle school dropout’s final exam project in the way of graphics. And just the mere fact that Santa Claus started out as a thief and lied his way into power is just creepy and disturbing. Also the bowling aspect of the movie isn't explored but brief moments in the beginning, middle and end.
This movie, left a void inside of me, it's that terrible. If I can give this bastardization of a beloved holiday icon one thing, it's proof that no matter what, things can ALWAYS get worse, not matter what. Also, I don't ever wanna see another strudel as long as I live. My final verdict: don't grab these BALLS.
Elf Bowling is owned by, I think NSTORM and Fim Brokers International.
Animated Atrocities is from
Artisanking101
Episode: N/A
Year: 2007
Writer(s): Martin Olson (FREAKIN' HUNSEN ABADEER WROTE THIS CRAP! Actually, yeah, that explains a bit)
Director(s): Dave Kim, Rex Piano
(word of warning, I'll be dropping the F-bomb quite a bit in this reveiw, so if you don't like, swearing, don't look at the review, it's that simple)
Cringe-Inducing Audio: 10
Cringe-Inducing Visuals: 3
Lackluster Writing: 9
Annoyance: 10
Disturbing Content (Out of Place): 5
Unnecessary Cruelty: 7
Rancid Morals: 4
Low Production Values: 9
Unfortunate Implications: 9
Character Derailment: 9
Final Score: 75/100
(Edit: forgot to add a score for cringe-inducing visuals originally)
Yeah, you're gettin' my score right off the bat BEFORE the summary, that right there should explain just how awful this piece of garbage is. No, it's even lower than garbage, lower than the lowest pieces of amphibious shit. It is the most low budget, nonsensical piece of shit I've ever seen. To put things into perspective, I had to mute the damn thing 1/2 way through just to get some peace and listen to the rest in subtitles! That was the plan anyways, but I realized it would be cheating to review like that, so I decided to listen to the whole thing, big mistake. I have a constant headache and grimace, not to mention a strong desire smash my head into a brick wall. But I'm not gonna give these, I don’t the right word for these people, the satisfaction. I've nearly been brought to tears from this piece of shit, but I want you all to know, I didn't cry. Now, onto the real review:
First off, why the holy fuck would they make a movie of one of the most terrible flash video games ever made? I can understand other bad video game movies like Super Mario Bros. and various Silent Hill films, but ELF BOWLING? Are you fucking SERIOUS!? They ported a FLASH GAME, A LOW RES FLASH GAME onto the DS! No enhancements period!
Now we move onto the actual "plot" of the film itself if you want to call mashing a keyboard with your face and printing what comes out a plot. Despite what people claim, the pirate aspect isn't really lost in the film itself, but they just barely reference it after Santa becomes, well Santa. The graphics look like a piss-poor attempt at copying Disney Jr. shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Doc McStuffins, only far worse. No wait, cheap shot, it looks like a bad imitation of the CGI in CARS 2 OR BRAVE! Food Fight might be bad, but at least it originally knew what it wanted to look like. Speaking of which, how the holy fuck did they get away with mentioning Disneyland and Gremlins movies without being slapped by Disney and Warner Brothers, thereby being bankrupt as a result?
This "film" also really skirts the line of what counts as PG, and not in a funny way like Adventure Time or Regular Show; they're just really disturbing like the whore gold-digger girlfriend, or the fact that the villain is named DINGLEBERRY! Speaking of the villain, how the fuck did these low budget hacks get Tom Kenny? He can't be that desperate for roles unless SpongeBob and Adventure Time are on the brink of death. All of the voices grate on a near constant level, you'd think the guys behind SpongeBob and PLUCKY DUCK could at least do better voice work than this. Yeah, the guy who voices Santa also voiced Plucky Duck AND did many of Mel Blanc's roles!
The animation? It is the most stiff, wonky and lifeless shit I've ever seen. I swear A Car’s Life movies from Video Brinquedo had better animation. The jokes are all annoying as hell. I mean, come on, WHO POOPED IN THE PEANUT BARREL!? SERIOUSLY!? I'll tell ya who pooped in the peanut barrel: WHOEVER THE FUCK MADE THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE! The "plot" seems to go everywhere at once; characters like the gold digging whore and the chieftain seem important at first but aren't shit in the long run. The dialogue seems like it was improvised by some dumbass 3rd grader and a middle school dropout’s final exam project in the way of graphics. And just the mere fact that Santa Claus started out as a thief and lied his way into power is just creepy and disturbing. Also the bowling aspect of the movie isn't explored but brief moments in the beginning, middle and end.
This movie, left a void inside of me, it's that terrible. If I can give this bastardization of a beloved holiday icon one thing, it's proof that no matter what, things can ALWAYS get worse, not matter what. Also, I don't ever wanna see another strudel as long as I live. My final verdict: don't grab these BALLS.
Elf Bowling is owned by, I think NSTORM and Fim Brokers International.
Animated Atrocities is from
Artisanking101
Image size
2592x1936px 2.97 MB
© 2014 - 2024 Regulas314
Comments52
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I agree with you,
and the Nostagia Critic on this one. This movie is honestly the most horrible Christmas-looking abomination ever made due to butchering up the myth and origins of Santa Claus and making him a pirate instead of a toymaker or woodcutter and have his favorite food be strudel instead of milk and cookies,the poor CGI which makes the character look like they're made out of clay and the movements are just slow,stiff,and awkward,the dialogue,humor,writing, and jokes are stupid and lazy,the songs and voices are annoying,the wasting of talents of Tom Kenny(SpongeBob),Joe Alaskey(Bugs Bunny,Daffy Duck,Plucky Duck,and Grandpa Lou),and Jill Talley(Karen from SpongeBob,Rita Loud),Santa's wife being a blonde Swiss sterotype,the characters talking in pirate,polynesian,gangster, and surfer dude accents,the movie jumping from one plot to another,and has no buildup to the introduction of the characters. What kind of idiots would get the idea to make a Christmas movie out of a horrible X-mas game.